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Maybe, that’s it.

August 22, 2009

Some part of my brain tells me that I have to stop thinking about myself and myself alone.


Reason remembered

August 3, 2009

Last week, I fell back to the state where I pretty much stopped feeling anything. I  found out that it would be easier this way.

I did not feel offended with what people say, I did not hurt when they dont like me, I did not feel fear nor panic when circumstances were not going my way.

In exchange of all this, I also did not feel the happiness when something good happens, I found it hard to laugh, to hope and to dream.

That way, I was less vulnerable. I had toughen myself up against all the blows of the system.  I have once said that I am now exposed to a  system where there were no place for the weak, for those who feel; where the gates of moving forward are open only to the strongest.

I forgot one simple thing, the very thing that I like best on this system. The strong ones help the weak. They do not limit progress to themselves, they share it. They defy the system, they defend the weak.

Having remembered this, I now have the reason to feel again. For I now, I know it again. There are those who care.

Tomorrow, i will turn 18.

July 21, 2009

Tomorrow, I will officially be an adult.

Starting tomorrow, I can legally drink, get a tattoo, get a driver’s license.

Tomorrow, I will be solely responsible of my actions.

I can move out of the house and start my life with me in charge.

Starting tomorrow, I can be sent to jail and not the juvenile center.

But then again, tomorrow will be just another day.

I will not act like an adult, but still like a child.

I wont be drinking alocoholic stuff, get a tattoo or even get a driver’s license tomorrow, just because I can.

I will continue live in my parents’ house, together with my family, the way that I have been doing since then.

I will not do anything to get me to prison.

Tomorrow, I will turn 18. Nothing will change…well, except for the numbers.

Tell me,

July 19, 2009

how do I continue doing something that I am not happy with?

Oh and another thing:

July 18, 2009

I am turning 18 on the 22nd.

I will be of age really soon.

Damn. I so want a tattoo. Haha.

I’m back and still incoherent.

July 18, 2009

41 days since my last post and I still can’t think of anything to write but the usual bleh updates [which, by the way, in this case are not so usual].

So, school’s been hell but that’s already given. UP has been anything but a comfort to me lately. And I know how that last line sounded but I can’t help it. Oh, right, maybe I can. So rephrasing: EEE has been anything but a comfort to me lately. My other subjects are generally okay…and I am beginning to like Math best. Honest.

Oh, I ‘ve been away to a camp and climb last weekend. It was for my PE class. The experience was a real treat, even though the whole thing caused me to be poor for a week. We were taught how to skimboard and to play ultimate [“It’s not frisbee, it’s ultimate. Frisbee’s the brand of the disc!” , “Okaaaaay”]. Then we sort of climbed a mountain, though we never reached the summit. But it’s okay, I guess.

I am currently obsessed with laptop bags, a backpack-type. I sort of bought a bag at the start of the term, thinking that I could use it as a carrying case. Unfortunately, the bag proved to be not sturdy enough…and that actually made me kinda sad and annoyed at the same time, for the brand of the bag is actually quite known here and my bag sort of gave up on me after just a week of usage. Darn. And I haven’t even tried putting my laptop into it, or even used it for heavy things. Double Darn. And unfortunately, I am finding it hard to save a portion of my weekly allowance, so I still cannot afford to buy a carrying case. But anyway, can anyone message me if they know where to buy some affordable, sturdy and backpack-type laptop bag in the Philippines? Thanks. Ü

I still wish that I could be more creative and more imaginative and paint and write a poem or a story.

I want to be enthusiastic about my studies once more. I want to feel that my majors aren’t downright hard and undoable but challenging and rewarding.

Today, I woke up at 8 AM. I went to panic mode for my math classes are at 7 AM. Then, I looked at my phone, noticed that I have several unread messages so I, uhm, read them. They all said the same thing: classes are suspended due to the storm.  /*whew whew. breathe breathe*/ I promptly flopped to bed and just giggled with delight.

Due to the suspension of classes, I arrived at home, the one in the province, 8 hours earlier. ÜÜÜ

I have established a bond with my new roommates. But it is never close to my bond with Angel. ÜGod, I miss her! Where are you, roommate?

So, for a final thing, I am still chasing my faith. I want to believe that I believe. I tell myself over and over again that I miss my Christian and Catholic life…that I miss my relationship with God. I still dont know where I am at, where my faith is, and how this chase is going to end.

Where am I?

June 7, 2009

Nursing writer’s block. Darn.

And since Creativity has stalked off again, I am just to post some updates.

First off: I am already enrolled! I am officially a sophomore! This took three days, hours waiting for a subject [thank heavens I only needed to prerog one subject..the rest, I got in the internet-based, uh, system], a half-day suspension of registration due to bad weather and a down system, a harassed dad, a missed trip to Pagudpud! and Vigan!, and lots of money on fare.

Next: I am enjoying an extended vacation. The first day of classes has been moved to June 16. Partly because of h1n1 and the delay in the enrollment process. I might be hitting the water! the sea! this week. But really, I am not sure about that one yet. hm.

Then: I have this growing liking [read: obsession] with fashion blogs! I love the dresses, the shoes, the bags! darn. I do wish I have enough money to actually splurge on them and the courage to really really wear them. Argh! I might be posting some links. Ü

Lastly: All of my plans for this summer was crushed by my old friend, Laziness. So there. Not organized. No hobbies. Pretty much stopped reading and writing. A plain bum. /*shrug*/