Fear and Foolishness

I tried to convince others that I am not afraid…

…only,I forgot that I must try and convince myself first.

I was scared to hope. I could not admit that to myself, I thought what I was feeling was the wisdom to question things that a person naturally does. I was foolish, still am; though at that time, I did not see that

I was proud. I was defiant of my own feelings. I was stupid. The people around me knew I was afraid, even though I tried to tell them otherwise. In order to convince them, I acted the way I thought was right. Not knowing that in every move, every word that escaped me, I was giving myself a reason to hate me.

Now, I must reconcile with myself…at least, I now have the courage to admit even that one bit…that I am not at peace with me…

I must believe in reconciliations…in happy endings and such…even though I am scared to hope for one, I know the kind exists. There goes my faith…that should be enough.